she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
