I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
