I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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