hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
