You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Text me some of your sweat
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