Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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