Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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