yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
