Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
