I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize