he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
