I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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