It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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