She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
