I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
