With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
