if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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