I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
