so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
