Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
