On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
