Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
