i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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