last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Duck Duck Cougar?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
