you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
