i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
