what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
