I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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