32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
