i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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