I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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