I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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