things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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