I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
