You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
