Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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