i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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