his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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