I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize