I smell stomach acid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
