I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
