Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
