Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i think my cat just said my name.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
