Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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