He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
