You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
