he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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