I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
