After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
