Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
