turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
