then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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