Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
