This dress was meant to end up on your floor
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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