Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
