dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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