Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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