Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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