you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
