If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
