So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize