i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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