The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
