Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
