why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
