She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
