...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
