Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
