It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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