He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
